This is an op-ed piece by Digital Content Editor, Milly Haddrick.
When news hit the media that rapper T.I. annually takes his daughter to the gynaecologist to check that her hymen is still intact, people were understandably outraged by such controlling and possessive behaviour.
There are many reasons why T.I. enforcing regular checks on his 18-year-old daughter Deyjah Harris is wrong: at best, the enforced checks are a gross invasion of a young women’s privacy, and at worst, they uphold dangerous patriarchal standards that exist to control women.
WATCH: Thousands Protest Abortion Restriction In Norway
While talking on the podcast Ladies Like Us earlier this week T.I. revealed that he checks his daughter’s hymen so as to make sure she hasn’t yet lost her virginity.
FACT: Your virginity has ZERO to do with your hymen.
Checking his daughter’s hymen to see if Deyjah’s lost her virginity is not just ethically wrong, but it is factually incorrect. The tiny piece of tissue (called the hymen) can break well before you are sexually active from things such as a tampon, riding bikes or sports like gymnastics.
What’s more, some women are born with no hymen at all.
In the podcast, T.I. admitted that when he visits the doctor for this annual catch-up he is even informed of this biological fact about women’s bodies, but he chooses to ignore the medical professional.
But the ins and outs of how a hymen breaks isn’t what’s problematic, it is the outdated attitude that a young woman’s worth is equated to her sexuality, that somehow if you have your virginity you are worth more respect than those women who are having – or have had – sex.
Let’s be clear: this attitude should not exist in 2019, it is an outdated view that upholds the patriarchal standards that exist to control women.
These views allow women to be controlled through sex, for women and girls to be shamed – and controlled through often public ostracisation such as slut-shaming – should they choose to have sex.
Now let’s move on to some of the more dangerous things the Rhythm and Flow judge said: “Deyjah’s 18, just graduated high school now and she’s attending her first year of college, figuring it out for herself. And yes, not only have we had the conversation, we have yearly trips to the gynaecologist to check her hymen.”
T.I. then says kids often “thank their parents for not allowing them to damage themselves as much as they could have.”
This is a man who only sees value in women if it’s for sex. It pulls into question the kind of man who T.I. is, and what it would take for him to see women as his equal – because he clearly doesn’t.
It is not only inherently misogynistic, but it enforces the incredibly dangerous ‘purity culture’.
If you have skipped most of this article, that’s ok, because all you really need is this one sentence:
Virginity is a social construct that came about because of the commodification of women.
Do I mean girls and boys can’t be ‘virgins’ – no. But the only reason value was ever placed on girl’s virginity – and not boys’ – was because women were considered the property of the men. Centuries ago, it would be your father who owned you, and then once he gave you away at the end of that wedding aisle, your husband would ‘own’ you buy taking your virginity.
Prior to the first of the feminist movements, women being viewed as property was the norm, and it is an outdated belief that T.I. is upholding.
In T.I’s mind, his daughter is his property, and her purity is essential if she was to ever marry a man who was ‘respectable’.
Because it would be completely unusual for a ‘respectable’ man to propose to a woman he loves based on her personality, her intelligence, whether she makes him laugh or challenges him. Only ‘respectable’ men (like T.I.) wouldn’t lower themselves to marry a woman who has had sex, even if he did love her because they don’t want property that’s been damaged.
This is why T.I’s shameful interview made many people – men and women – so infuriated. This is a centuries-old attitude that belongs in the dark ages.
To every woman and girl reading, this is important:
T.I. is wrong. His views are heinous and deserve the widespread condemnation they are receiving.
You are not a bad person if you have sex. You are not a bad person if you have sex with more than one person. You are not a bad person if someone takes your virgintiy by force.
Your value is not your purity.
Having sex will not damage you, or your mental well being.
The only person who should control your body is you.
Related stories
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
The 3 types of friends every girl should have
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
Remembering Liam Payne: Special Tribute Issue
On sale now