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She might have just scored the No. 2 spot on Forbes‘ top 10 beauty influencers list but Michelle Phan has revealed the sad reality behind all her success.
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Despite being one of the biggest beauty YouTube stars, Michelle admits the reason she was off the grid for most of 2016 is because she was depressed and needed some time off.
“I completely disappeared. I just left. I stopped uploading to YouTube,” she said to Racked. Having over eight million subscribers meant that her absence didn’t go unnoticed and many of them left concerned comments on her page. “People literally thought I was dead,” she added.
“I peaced out because I think I was going through depression,” Michelle explained. “I don’t know because I didn’t go to a hospital or anything or get diagnosed, but I was taking a few quizzes online and I felt really sad everyday… I was waking up feeling so broken. I didn’t know why.”
The beauty vlogger doesn’t actually explain the cause of her depression but Racked points out that her “disappearance” came after the launch of her makeup line, Em Cosmetics, wasn’t received well and was even criticised be her fans.
So in early 2016 she decided to take off nine months to go travelling, find herself and find a new direction for her business.
“I’m actually happy that Em didn’t do well, because I’m happy that I own it,” she said. “It is my makeup brand, it’s not L’Oréal’s makeup brand. It’s not for me; it’s for my viewers who have been there since the beginning.”
Michelle’s revamped line of products—only eyeliner and liquid lipsticks this time around—drops on April 17 at emcosmetics.com.
If you or a friend is struggling with similar feelings, there is help at hand. You can speak confidentially to a trained counsellor 24 hours a day atheadspace.org.au or Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800.
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