Niki DeMartino's split from boyfriend of four years, Jerry Pascucci, was something that nobody saw coming. Like, they looked SO in lurve!
Nearly six since months on, the YouTuber is now ready to open up about the shock breakup in a heartbreaking video for AwesomenessTV and you're gonna need some tissues!
Niki recorded the video as a letter written to her old self just days before things ended with Jerry.
"Dear old Niki, you're about to wake up in what feels like a nightmare," Niki starts off. "Everything around you is going to feel dark — like a lie. Everything's going to feel so wrong. You're going to feel helpless. And it's going to feel like the end."
She doesn't actually reveal why they called it quits but it sounds like something pretty shady went on. "Your trust will be completely broken from the person you thought would never do that: your boyfriend of four years who you grew up with."
Niki goes on to talk about how hard it was to reclaim her identity after the breakup. "When you lost him, you lost yourself. Because you were just Niki for the first time, and you weren't ready for it. You're going to hit rock bottom. You're going to feel real depression. You're going to want to not wake up. But you can't hide from it; you have to face it." WHOA.
Luckily, confronting this extremely difficult part of her life helped her to move on.
"Stop being afraid to love yourself," she says. "You can be who you are. You can be who you want to be. It's really all up to you. When you put yourself first, everything changes."
Check out her powerful video below.