Stand in her glow
We’ve all had times where a friend got more praise than us, like when they scored a better mark on a test, or were picked for a higher grade netball team. Getting pretty damn jel is a given.
But when you feel this way, don’t tear her down – support her instead. This “I don’t shine if you don’t shine” vibe actually has a name: Shine Theory! If someone else is shining, you wanna be in that warm glow too and that way everyone benefits from it.
“When the people most similar to us support us, our resilience increases and we feel more empowered,” says clinical psychologist Gemma Cribb. “We gain confidence and can be inspired to be our best selves when our anxiety and envy aren’t taking our time and energy.” Amen to that.
Let her join your crew
Sometimes it feels like the world is pitting girls against each other and we are SO not about that life. So if you’re a little intimidated by a girl at school who seems to have the smarts, style and sporty skills of all thePLL girls combined, befriend her! Gemma says surrounding yourself with amazing people brings out the best in you. “The successes you can achieve together can be greater than you’d ever achieve alone.”
Say bye to the green-eyed monster
So how can we learn to drop the jealousy? Gemma suggests a little perspective. “Ask successful girls about their journey,” she suggests. “When you hear their highs and lows, you’ll be reminded they’re human and have had challenges to get where they’re at, just like you.”
And NEVER talk badly of them.
“Speak about them as you’d hope people would speak about you. Focus on the things you admire and appreciate.”
You also need to think of yourself in this scenario too. “Remind yourself of your good qualities too, and focus on how far you’ve come towards your goals, not how far you feel you are from them,” Gemma says. “Being jealous only makes you feel bad and that doesn’t help you improve your own situation.”