From heartbreak to sex and everything in between.
- byBianca M
The stereotype of "don't show your emotions as you will be seen as weak" is totally changing these days, and *surprise surprise*, guys feel things too...
Boys get crushes, just like us girls. When that person is around them, they’ll get that awesome fluttery feeling inside, complete with heart-pounding and maybe even a little bit of sweat. Counsellor RobynBrass explains that the confusing part is in the signals a guy sends out – or, rather, doesn’t! “The signals he sends to a girl may be different to those sent by a girl to a boy,” she says. “There can sometimes be an absence of signals... On the other hand, there could be lots of playful touching and even sexual innuendoes.” Guys are also likely to feel a bit more pressure than us girls to act on a crush and be the ones to make the first move. Even if they seem cool and confident, chances are that inside they’re one big bundle of nerves. Which brings us to...
“Hey, rejection is great!” said no-one ever. No matter who you
are, it freaking hurts. “Rejection is rejection. It’s hard for everyone to get over,” says Robyn. “Sometimes teen boys will try to conceal their emotions so as not to ‘lose face’ in front of others. Other times they will withdraw for a time, just like girls.” “The stereotype of ‘don’t show your emotions as you will be seen as weak’
appears to be changing these days. There are those who appear to have no difficulty expressing their feelings, and those who feel shy and embarrassed. It depends on the boy and how confident he is within himself.”
Rejection is like a paper cut compared to the massive gaping wound that is a broken heart. It sucks for everyone. Girls tend to deal with it by eating lots of ice- cream and crying to their besties – but what about guys? “Boys definitely experience similar emotions to girls, but some may not be as open about their feelings to their mates,” explains Robyn. If a guy is willing to talk about his emotions, it will most likely be to a female friend, coz girls are generally a bit more understanding and more willing to talk. Even then, many boys don’t like to reveal a “weakness” and will instead bottle their feelings inside.
Sexologist VanessaThompson explains that arousal for guys actually feels quite similar to what it’s like for girls. “All the blood rushes to the penis, whereas for a girl it rushes to her clitoris, and it’s the same kind of feeling,” she says. “Guys often describe it as a tightness, but not painful. It’s pleasurable, but it’s also a bit of a strange feeling – especially the first few times!” The poor lads have basically no control over when or where they’ll get a hard-on. “They cannot make them appear or disappear, so sometimes they will come up (literally) at the most awkward times. Guys can try all sorts of things to “settle down” – usually just waiting it out or trying to distract themselves,” says Vanessa.
Just like they get them unwillingly, boys can also lose erections when they really don’t want to – say, when they’re about to have sex. This can be because of tiredness, stress, nervousness... you name it. It’s not necessarily a sign that he’s not, you know, into it.
Oh, and BTW, an erection does not mean a guy must ejaculate. It’s perfectly OK for it to go down all by itself, without any, er, stimulation. His thang will not fall off, and there’s no such thing as “blue balls”. If a guy tries to pull that old, lame trick on you, there’s only one thing to do: Ditch the douche.
In a recent GF survey, when it came to sex, the number-one topic you wanted to know more about was what it feels like for guys. And we like to give you what you want, so here goes...
It’s nerve-racking. It’s exciting. It’s fun. It’s scary. It’s awkward. It’s lots of things all at once – just like it is for girls. Vanessa reveals that the first time in particular can make boys feel incredibly anxious. They tend to feel even more pressure than girls do because, well, they need to maintain an erection and make it all work – no easy feat when they’re already tense. Nerves are also not good for that common boy problem: Premature ejaculation. A lot of guys experience it, especially when they first become sexually active, and it can be hella embarrassing. But that’s not all they worry about... “There might be a bravado, like ‘I love sex and I’ll do it anywhere, anytime’, but it’s pretty false for most guys,” explains Vanessa. “Girls worry about it being painful and boys worry about hurting their partner.
He also worries whether he’s ready, because it is a big step. He worries about how to put a condom on, whether it’s going to break... There’s a lot of pressure that sex is supposed to be this awesome thing – and the first time usually isn’t.” So, basically, boys get just as nervous and concerned about sex as girls do. Boys even worry about how they look – or, well, measure
up. “They worry about whether their penis is big enough, whether it is shaped correctly, whether it bends too much, whether their balls are the same size, whether they stink, whether they’ve got enough pubic hair or too much – they have a lot of things to think about,” says Vanessa.
Aside from the emotions, you’re probably wondering what it actually FEELS like. Well, most guys describe it as a warm, wet, comforting and extremely pleasurable sensation. Condoms will make sex feel different, but not necessarily worse – especially with all the different varieties available. They can help with premature ejaculation, but most importantly they help to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, so they’re an absolute must for any sexual activity that involves a penis.
Oh, and the one thing a guy probably isn’t worried about? How a girl looks. They’re usually so excited and happy to be so, you know, close – not to mention so concerned about their own performance – that what a girl looks like is the furthest thing from their minds. And if he indicates otherwise and makes you feel self-conscious? He sooooo doesn’t deserve to go there!