So, if you don't wanna know went down, turn back now.
Last week was I N T E N S E, with Cheryl nearly being sexually assaulted, #Bughead's demise, and Betty's messed up relationship with the Black Hood...
Now, things are getting slightly better, but also slightly worse. So let's jump right in.
TONI TOPAZ AND JUGHEAD
We're thrown into a Toni and Jughead scene right from the start, which we never asked for. It looks like Toni had a sleepover with Jughead, and so help us god if they had sex, we won't be okay.
But a few scenes later we find out that nothing went down.
"Last night was a PG13 grope session," Toni explains to Jughead. "Cards on the table, you're not over Betty... and I'm not interested in being anybody's rebound. Besides, I'm more into girls anyways."
Yeahhhh the rise of bisexual Toni.
BETTY COOPER & THE BLACK HOOD FT. NICK ST. CLAIR
Betty rushes to Nick's hotel room, after basically handing him up to the Black Hood on a silver platter. Luckily (we think), he's alive, despite a few bruises from Veronica and the Pussycats.
However, Sheriff Keller arrives and brings Nick down to the station, after Cheryl made a complaint against him.
Betty asks the serial killer why he didn't kill Nick, and he reveals that he doesn't want to go after Nick. Instead, he's happy he has seen the 'real Betty'. Now, "the real work can begin," so he tells her.
Later on, Betty explains to Archie that she's done being the Black Hood's pawn.
However, when he calls Betty again, he explains he needs one more thing from her: to find out who 'The Sugar Man' is... the man who is supplying the drugs. He explains how he was acquaintances with dead Clifford Blossom. Remember, they were using their 'Maple business' as a front for drugs.
"Bring me the identity of the Sugar Man, and I'll put down my sword," he tells her.
So incomes Cheryl who is now on a mission to find out the truth from her mum.
Penelope explains that when Clifford was grooming Jason to take over the family business, he wanted him to meet the "real Sugar Man."
She protested, but she couldn't stop them, and that's what started the terrible events which led to Jason's death. She ends up revealing to Cheryl who the Sugar Man is... none other than Jughead's newest fave teacher: Mr. Phillips.
Betty has succeeded in her mission for the Black Hood, however she has played him. She doesn't give him the name, she gets him arrested instead, because she doesn't want him killed. "He will be dealt with in the right way," she tells him.
However, that's when she turns the table on the Black Hood.
"It's my game now. A game that ends with me catching you. I found out who killed Jason Blossom, I found out who the Sugar Man was... You're next, Black Hood. I'm breathing down your neck. Can you feel it? Can you feel me?"
AND HE HANGS UP ON HER! DARK BETTY IS HERE.
THEY'RE BACK. Thank god. We couldn't deal with these two fighting. Betty finally tells Veronica the whole truth about the Black Hood, and enlists V to help her find out who the Sugar Man is. Of course, Veronica is in. Our girls are back fam.
Something's up with Penelope Blossom. She's always been a horrible parent, but she's even worse now that she tells the Lodge's that Cheryl basically asked to nearly be date raped.
They come up with a deal to not press charges against the St. Clair family, and Cheryl overhears them. She goes back to her stone-cold demeanour. Victim blaming in its greatest.
Veronica admits to Cheryl that Nick tried to force himself onto her as well. Nick's gotta go down.
ESPECIALLY, when Nick confronts Cheryl in Pop's and shames her for what went down.
"Let's not distort reality to cover your morning after shame," he says.
He taunts her and reminds her that there is nothing she can do, which is basically the worst thing you could do to our fiery Cheryl.
THE NORTH VS. THE SOUTH SIDE
This season is really building an arc on the two sides of town waging war on one another. The groups parents, Alice, Fred, Mayor McCoy etc. host an intervention with the kids about the wild party they had with the 'Jingle Jangle' drug.
They discover that the drug is coming from the Southside. Surprise surprise.
After the Mayor finds out that Josie took the drugs too, scolding her and reminding her about her father's addiction problems, she hauls ass to Southside high with police and sniffer dogs. Archie gets there first to warn Jughead and help him escape.
It's all very dramatic.
After all the drama, the Southside team up with ~the Goolies~, and Jughead is piiiiisssed about his father's legacy.
Finally, we get some F.P. action when Jughead and Archie visit him in jail for advice. GOD WE'VE MISSED THIS HOT DADDY.
This is where things get a lil' Grease Lightening. F.P suggests that they compete in a drag race with the Goolies.
"Challenge them to a street race. One on one. Keep it on the DL, it's illegal it will get you locked up. Their guy wins, serpents roll over," F.P suggests.
"But if we win, Goolies back off," says Jughead.
"Whoever wins controls Southside High," F.P tells his son.
"Then we get rid of the Goolies, and get rid of the Jingle Jangle and get Mayor McCoy off our back." Lightbulb moment Juggy. We think.
Archie tips off the police about the race, and the Goolies get arrested while he stops Jughead from speeding off after them.
THE BEST PART OF THE SHOW
Okay, we know Hiram Lodge is a horrible father and a major crook etc etc etc. BUT, when Veronica admits to him that Nick tried to hurt her, he goes FULL protective daddy and we're LIVING for it.
Later, we find out that the St. Clair's had a horrible car accident... Nick survived, although barely. Veronica is pleased, calling them out for karrrrmaa!