So, if you don't wanna know went down, turn back now.
The season finale of Riverdale season one left us on the biggest cliffhanger ever: was Fred Andrews dead or alive?
We couldn't really cope with the thought of #HotRiverdaleDaddy1 being killed off so soon, but did the producers agree?
Archie RACES his father to the hospital (without a drivers license) and gets him into surgery ASAP.
Honestly, five minutes into the episode and we are so happy that Archie has a better storyline than his aspiring music career. He is DARK and his scenes are giving us goosebumps already.
There is A LOT of suspense around whether Fred will wake up or not, and a heart-breaking scene where Archie calls his mum to come to Riverdale asap "in case they have to say goodbye."
Fred seems to be in a coma, and during that we see him having visuals of Archie's huge life moments that he would be missing out on, like his graduation, and MARRYING Veronica. #Goals.
Betty's mum Alice Cooper is still a stone cold b*tch but she's a freaking loveable one. Betty talks to her mum about how her and Jughead nearly got it on in his trailer, but the Southside Serpent's interrupted them. Naturally, Alice is mortified. They're convo is cut short when they find out about Fred being in the hospital.
We also get a GREAT shot of Jughead riding his father's motorbike to the hospital. We are so here for Southside Serpent Jughead.
So far, he and Betty are doing A-OK...
Veronica expresses to Betty that she's a horrible girlfriend when it comes to comforting boyfriends in times of grief, but Betty assures her that was the "old Veronica."
When she and Archie go back home to freshen up, they definitely FRESHEN UP in the shower (together) and it's #amazing.
However later when Veronica opens Fred's bag of belongings, Archie realises that his dad's wallet is missing and lashes out at Veronica, telling her to leave. But being the ~new and improved~ Veronica, she stands by her man and they are stronger than ever.
It's official, Cheryl is absolutely taking over this season. Last we saw of her, she was setting Thornhill on fire, with her mum outside and safe beside her.
Well, now her mum is in the hospital with third degree burns. Cheryl tells everyone that her mother rushed in to save her life, when in reality she went in to save a family portrait.
"I might have perished if not for mummy's heroics," she tells Betty and Kevin.
Cheryl threatens her mother in the hospital, to never tell anyone the real cause of the fire, and even cuts off her oxygen for a hot minute.
Archie ends up telling his friends that something else happened during the 'robbery'. When Fred was shot, the robber put his gun to Archie's head.
This must be when he stole Fred's wallet and left the store, without stealing any money from Pop's cash register, making everyone believe this was a hit on Fred and not a robbery at all.
Now, Jughead is using his ~contacts~ with the Serpents to get more information on what went down. Fred fired a few members of the Serpents suddenly, making everyone believe that one of them were getting revenge on him for that.
Pop even calls the shooter "the angel of death."
Eventually, Fred wakes up and we're CHEERING! HE'S ALIVE! FRED ANDREWS IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay this is when it gets interesting. In true Jughead narrating fashion, we are told that: "the angel of death was stalking different streets tonight, in the small town of Greendale just on the other side of Sweet Water River."
Greendale, being Sabrina Spellman's hometown (!!!!) is now where... wait for it... MISS GRUNDY is living, and still preying on underage boys.
When wishing the teenage boy goodnight with a kiss, somebody comes into her home, and murders her with a Cello bow. Maybe even the one that Archie gave her in season 1?!!!!
So she was back for a hot minute only to be murdered... are the murders related? We guess we'll have to find out.
Oh you thought the episode was over? Think again! This is truly an epic premiere episode. The last 3 minutes of the show we are finally introduced to #HotRiverdaleDaddy3: Hiram Lodge (#2 being F.P Jones, obviously).
Veronica goes home to see her father waiting for her at the dining table, and he is so intimidating. He is acting like the Godfather and makes Veronica kiss him on the cheek hello.
That's all we really get from him, but DAMN he looks good just sitting there.
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK...