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Sophie Monk drops another epic Love Island trailer
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Sophie Monk drops another epic Love Island trailer

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Noah Centineo is posting thirst traps on IG and we have no choice but to rate every single one

He knows what he's doing.
  • 13 Aug 2020
Noah Centineo is posting thirst traps on IG and we have no choice but to rate every single one

Hear us out: being thirsty for your favourite celeb is one of the last pure joys out there. Noah Centineo appears to know this. He's a self-aware guy, after all, and we like that about him. Centineo has recently started upping his 'thirst trap and shirtless photo' posting on Instagram and we're here for it.

Celeb crushes are pure, escapist fantasy, after all. We know we're probably never going to meet these people and we're nearly certain they'll probably never see our absurd tweets about them, but somehow it's still fun to daydream. In that spirit and to celebrate more shirtless Centineo content, please join us as we rate his spiciest shots.

Vintage shirtless Noah Centineo on the beach: 8/10

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the purest, raw form 💫

For our first offering, may we present the first shirtless picture posted to Centineo's IG, from back in February of 2018. Yes, we did scroll all the way down. Great pic, we're giving it a solid 8/10 for the following reasons. First, it is blessedly filter-free. We also love a candid-ish shot thrown up with a semi-deep caption, "the purest, raw form 💫." Finally, it showcases the traps well but not in a heavy-handed gym-bro way.

A series of moody black and white pics: 7/10

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I live in my dreams as I wake from sleep

Centineo's not like ~regular boys~ and these photos surely prove it. Excellent framing, perfect amount of grain (enough to add texture, not too much to be distracting) and a good showcasing of The Arms: 7/10. We enjoy these because they're very Tumblr circa 2012 and maybe those were really the glory days?

The sponsored Centineo thirst trap: 6/10

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@just doing justice to water and humanity....if only they made bath bombs too 🧐

Is this funny? Is this actually sexy? We're not sure. We're giving him points for effort, sitting in a bathtub without water in it (because this is not a nice feeling) and for his abs. Points deducted because while slightly more sustainably packaged water is nice, we can avoid waste altogether if you just... use a water bottle and the tap? 6/10 from us.

Happy shirtless candid Centineo: 10/10

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" I've been reading the most amazing book, It says that the future is already written. It's all there. And the proof lies in premonitory dreams. "

Do you know what's hot? Happiness. Oh yeah, that's the good stuff. We're giving this a 10/10 for how genuinely joyful, relaxed and amused Centineo looks here. It also excellently showcases his full body (the arm veins!).

Shirtless pics but make them #fashion: 9/10

ncentineo View Profile
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@calvinklein by @_glen_luchford #mycalvins

Swipe to the third picture in this carousel. We have deducted one (1) point because of having to swipe, hence the 9/10.

Centineo shaving shirtless but in... a cap? 6/10

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Slide

Okay this is good, like the arms and hint of stomach hair is good, but why is he wearing a cap while shaving? Is this a thing? The framing is nice though! Good work on the photographer's side in managing to stay out of the frame somehow, 6/10.

The one with the v-line: 9/10

ncentineo View Profile
View Post on Instagram
Mom I'll be home in May

Sometimes a pic can be kinda bad but also excellent at the same time. He kinda looks like a wholesome fratboy here? (If such a thing was real.) 9/10, and no comments are being accepted at this time about this rating.

The shower-adjacent thirst trap: 7/10

ncentineo View Profile
View Post on Instagram
Most ridiculous shower adventure of all time on my story.

Okay so, Centineo captioned this shirtless (pre/post?) shower picture with, "Most ridiculous shower adventure of all time on my story." Now, because it is no longer November 4th in 2019, we no longer have access to that IG story. The only clue is a tag for an empty IG page with a profile picture that looks like it was made in Microsoft Word.

What might once have been a kinda annoying sponsored post is now full of mystery, thus 7/10. What was he advertising? What happened Noah? Tell us your secrets without putting a shirt on.

The sideways shirtless pic: 9/10

ncentineo View Profile
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Moving to NY

And now for a return to the soft analogue film shots. This picture (and whole carousel tbh) makes us miss summer days, wearing only one layer and not bringing a jacket, and touching people. We're giving it a 9/10. The hand covering half the face is a nice move, softens this from looking too ~I'm standing over you being hot and you will endure it~ ya know?

The shirtless pic that inspired this article: 10/10

ncentineo View Profile
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The question is.. should I start training again?

These pictures look like they were taken on a potato and they're still good. He looks so pleased—and strained—and dorky, but also so fit. 10/10, great job Noah.

Anyway thanks for coming to my TED Talk, byeee.

Keep up with your favourite celebs and entertainment news as it happens. Follow Girlfriend on Instagram.

Want more like this? Check out: Lana Condor says Noah Centineo is causing drama for her IRL relationship.

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