When you and your bae start heading towards splitsville, it can be really, really painful and hard to deal with. But believe it or not, there are times when a breakup is the best thing for you. Here, Kylie Dunjey, a counsellor with Relationships Australia, tells us how to know when your relationship is over and how to exit safely...
Sitch 1. You’ve outgrown each other
E.g. you used to think he’s so funny, but, know what? These days, he just seems immature.
“It’s normal to change,” Kylie says. “That doesn’t make the other person wrong, or you wrong, you’re just different in a way that’s no longer compatible. The growth difference could stunt you, or them.”
How to deal: Don’t see yourself as stuck. “To respectfully opt out is not a shame for anybody,” Kylie says.
Sitch 2. It’s not good for you to be with anybody RN
E.g. You wanna do the overseas gap year and the long-distance thing isn’t for you.
“Experiences like a gap year could be life-changing for you, and your relationship may be fun, but very often, it’s not permanent,” Kylie points out.
How to deal: If you break up respectfully, remember you might get another shot later if you realise you belong together.
Sitch 3. The relationship is holding you back
E.g. You’re doing super well, but your bae is not supportive and can’t stand to see you doing better than he or she is.
Kylie says a healthy relationship encourages growth for the two people in it.
How to deal: “If you realise he’s not one of your greatest cheerleaders, ask some serious questions. Celebrating each other’s successes is really important,” Kylie says.
Sitch 4. You don’t like the person you are with them
E.g. he’s a bad boy, and his behaviour is rubbing off on you.
This one’s more serious, Kylie says. If you aren’t breaking free from this sitch, it’s time to turn to someone you trust, perhaps an older person.
How to deal: Get some back up. “If your relationship is a bad influence, expect it won’t be easy to get out of that.”
Sitch 5. Your relationship is abusive.
E.g. your bae is causing you harm of any kind.
Kylie says abuse can be not just with the fist, but abuse that isolates you from your friends and controls you “like you’re under his spell”.
How to deal: Kylie recommends asking yourself if you still listen to people other than your bae and that you get someone to support you when they do everything in their power to get you back. “Go cold turkey,” she urges.
If you need help with your breakup feels, call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.